you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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