Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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