dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
