My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
