3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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