Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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