Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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