You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
