We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
two words...techno handjob
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
