I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
