You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
