My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
