Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize