He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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