So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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