there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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