we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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