He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
