Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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