he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
