Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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