Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
