dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
