think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
