As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
