I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
