Need sex. Gaining weight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
