Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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