I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
