Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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