I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
