So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
