Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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