3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
