I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
