just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
