problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
