She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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