Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
