I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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