I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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