No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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