My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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