Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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