It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
