I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
