oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize