I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
