He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
