Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
