There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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