the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
