HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
