Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
