Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
