Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize