If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
