pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
