I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
