I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
