So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
