just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
