Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
