BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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