Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
