we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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