All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
