Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
