What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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