She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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